Woke up EXTREMELY late & got to Larry’s house like literally 10 minutes before the bell rang. School was blah & a WHOLE different story >.< WHATEVER ha. Cheer was fun, assembly Thursday :). After made my hair appointment and also ordered my flowers. Not sure if I want the ones I got so me & mom Upchurch + my momma may possibly be going BACK to figure out something else for my flowers.
Cheer after school & kisses in between. Life is good and I am so excited for PROM!
Today went really good, except towards the end of 3rd period when I began to not pay attention in math and basically fall asleep. I was so tired. Stayed up until 2AM, talked to Meghan and Briana :) love them <3
Woke up early, picked up Larry, got jamba juice & our daily routine <3 It was an overall good day. Sometimes things get irritating to me but I can’t let that keep me down and dwell on it. Things WILL get better with time. I am becoming so much more thankful for the people and opportunities that I have in my life because I am realizing that sometimes you don’t have forever. So I want to live everyday with a smile on my face. Yes things get tough, but bitches I’m hard headed & got a fucking helmet on :) you can’t knock me down. I have amazing & beautiful friends and life couldn’t be better. Graduation is soon and I don’t want to worry about anything except having a good time and spending it with the people that I love.
So yesterday my boyfriend told me things about life after college that hit my weak spot. I dwelled on it and decided to write him a letter this morning expressing my feelings towards the whole situation.
My day started off by me getting up and doing a little homework, then I bathed. I decided to write Larry a letter about an hour after I go tout of the shower, I printed it and called his mom to see if I could stop by. She told me that they were home and off I was heading to his house to put the letter in his room before he got home from work.
I told myself before I got to his house that i WOULDN’T cry & BREAK DOWN. As soon as I go there she looked at the letter in my hand and asked if everything was okay, I said yes and my eyes started to water. I explained everything to his mom and basically had a long vent session with his mom about life and everything. After an hour and a half of talking and random bursts of tears I went upstairs and put the letter in between his laptop (hoping he would see it later tonight when he used his laptop).
Went to visit Pono in Kaneohe & then Larry invited me over for the weekly dinner on Sundays :) with his mom and dad. I freaked out and thought he had already read the letter, so I was nervous heading to his house. When I got there he was in the shower, so I waiting on his bed sitting there patiently waiting for him to get out.
He got out grabbed his laptop and i was like “WAIT, did you use your computer since you’ve been home…?” he said “No”. SO then I explained that I put something in there that I wanted him to read later, he asked me if it was okay to read in front of me and I said yes. I automatically out my face on his pillow and began to cry.. I heard him fold the letter after reading it, he grabbed me and put his arms around me… i began to ball & cry my heart out. He rubbed my back & comforted me, it was the best feeling in the world, having him comfort me at a time like this. He grabbed my face & kissed me, then he looked into my eyes and said “I love you” & kissed me again.
After all that we ate dinner and I dried my tears. Went upstairs, watched TV. Finally 10 til 8 I said I had to go home. Again, he grabbed me, cuddled me and kiss me. I told him I love you <3 This is just one giant step in our relationship & another reason why I love my boyfriend and it just reminds me that he is SUCH an amazing person & I’m so thankful to have him in my life.
School in the morning, but before school I have to pick up Larry & get jamba juice.
<3 cherish every moment you have with the ones you love & love with ALL your heart.
so basically i wrote a letter this morning to my boyfriend. it was simple, sweet, and straight to the point. i poured my heart out onto that paper. but i have yet for him to read it, he is at work right now. what i did was called his house and asked to drop something off for him.i got there and was supposed to just go and put it in his room, yet it turned out to me walking inside and having a mental and emotional breakdown and crying in front of his parents. im such a strong person and was so embarrassed. i told myself that i wasn’t going to cry in front of them and that’s the first thing that i did. stayed there for about an hour & a half, finally decided to go put the letter in his room. i stuck it in between his laptop so when he goes to use it tonight he will see it.
i hope and pray for the best. nothing in life is a given. you have to make the most of the days you spend with the ones you love because you never know what is going to happen. yeah things get tough, but you have to hold your composure and get stronger from the situation at hand.
today i got a late start, went to my boyfriends house to take care of him because he wasn’t feeling good. got into a talk that led to hurt feelings. his parents came home, then we went to look at prom flowers… on the way home talked about some things and i began to cry. after i took him home i went to my friends house, THANK GOD for her. cried it out and then visited Mazie and Meghan at work. i have great friends.
sometimes it hurts, but it has to hurt for things to get better. i love my boyfriend and respect his decisions. tonight ended with the most simple sweet text.
BABE: you looked nice tonight :)
the littlest thing made me cry, im so thankful he’s in my life.
so i woke up pretty early this morning to clean my room and find things that i wanted to put into the garage sale tomorrow morning. got through my clothes and got tired >.< then basically laid around my room until around 6ish. was told that i was going to get a call from my boyfriend when he got off work. well he didn’t call, but he texted me -___- just to tell me that he was going to skate. STORY OF MY LIFE. so i waited around for nothing. decieded to meet up with my friend in Waikiki to kill sometime. only to get yelled at and then ignored.
so irritating sometimes. its like putting so my effort into something only to be shut down in return. thanks asshole. whatever at least i got to see my bestie Pono <3 missed her while she went away. hopefully tomorrow isn’t go BLAH. going to go look at flowers for prom, alone haha. and then maybe go to the beach or go to Kaneohe for a little.
1. Status = Taken ♥ 2. Nickname(s)= jordy, jordie, white girl, jaydee, make one for yourself. 3. Zodiac sign = libra. 4. Fem or Stud or undecided = fem. 5. Elementary School = Sigsebee & Red Hill Elementary. 6. Middle School = Horace ‘O Bryant & Moanalua Middle School. 7. High School = Moanalua High School. 8. Hair color = brunette. 9. Long or short = medium. 10. Loud or Quiet music = loud. 11. Sweats or Jeans = sweats. 12. Phone or Camera = camera phone. 13. Health freak = sometimes. 14. Drink or Smoke= drink & ganja <3 15. Do you have a crush on someone = its more than a crush.
16. Eat or Drink = both. 17. Tattoos = for graduation. 18. Pepsi or Coke= pepsi. 19. Been Gay?= no. 20. Been in a relationship? = yes 21. Been in a car accident? = yes
22. Been in a fist fight? = yes.
FIRSTS: 23. First piercing - ears 24. First REAL best friend - Lauren Paige Wells. 25. First award - student of the month, first grade. 28. First big vacation - Disney Land. 29. Last person you talked to in person – my mom. 30. Last person you texted – larry. 31. Last person you watched a movie in theaters with - shutter island w/ larry, meghan, emilio. 32. Last food you ate – steak, hot dog, sausage and rice last night. 33. Last Movie you watched – shutter island. 34. Last song you listened - year of the lover. 35. Last thing you bought? - food. 36. Last person you hugged – one of the gtf boys lastnight.
X IF YES: 45. [x] wishes on 11:11 46. [x] celebrated(s) Halloween. 47. [x] had your heart broken 48. [x] went over minutes/texts on your cell phone 49. [ ] had someone question my sexual orientation 51. [ ] broken a bone 52. [x]skipped school 53. [x] did something you regret 54. [x] broke a promise 55. [x] hid a secret 56. [x] pretended to be happy 57. [x] met someone who changed your life 58. [x] pretended to be sick 59. [x] left the country 61. [x] cried over the silliest thing 62. [x] ran a mile 63. [x] went to the beach/ocean 64. [x] got into an argument with your friends 65. [x] hated someone 66. [x] stayed single a whole year
CURRENTLY: 67. Eating: nothing 68. Drinking: nothing 69. Listening to: spongebob 71. Plans for today: hang out with cousins, see larry. 72. Waiting: prom and graduation 73. Want kids: when i’m like 23-27 74. Want to get married: after college. 75. Missing someone? yes
76. OPPOSITE SEX: Male 77. Shorter or taller? Taller 78. Eye color? any color 79. Dark hair or light? doesn’t matter 81. Hook-up or relationship? relationship 82. Looks or personality? Both
HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/ contacts? yes 85. Held a gun/knife for self defense? no 86. Killed somebody? no 87. Broken someone’s heart? not that i know of 88. Been arrested? No 89. Got Fucked? hella messed up? yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 90. Yourself – sometimes 91. Miracles - ehh 92. Love at first sight - no 93. Is there a God? yes 94. Santa Claus – no 95. Sex on the first date -no 96. Kiss on the first date – if i like you 97. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now? yes 98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? yes<3 99. Is there something you would like to say to someone? don’t leave me hangin 100. Post as 100 truths!
decided to get rid of a lot of things that i have just laying around my room. on top of that i have WAY TOO MUCH on my mind and need to find things to do so that i don’t think about them.
it’s hard to think about the fact that someone could leave you in the blink of an eye, or when it comes to making plans that will change the rest of your lives.. and you are stuck left to wondering if you are included in those plans or not. let me tell you, it fucking sucks :/ i’ve never felt so un-independent in my life & so vulnerable.
couldn’t sleep for shit last night >.< was tossing and turning until about 4AM when i some how passed out. ON TOP OF THAT i had to wake up at 6:30AM to get ready for school and pick up my boyfriend. forgot jamba juice money and didn’t eat breakfast.
but besides that :) school went good, glad to be back honestly. today was the first day of my 4th quarter of my high school career. soon its off the college for me!
sometimes you just have to step back and take a look from the outside in. now i see that there is no need to worry, i have what i want and no one can have it. so there is no need to worry. other bitches just front.
they want what i got, but they can’t have it :) work hard to play hard. i’m going places bitches.
i don’t know if i should be up set or cry. too many things are on my mind and to be honest its really scaring me. i’m graduating soon and am going to be living in the real world. i just have so many things that i want in life and in my future. also there are some people that i want in my future with me, but im afraid that they don’t want me in theirs. i’m stuck and don’t know what to do. i wish i could just talk about it, but when it comes to you it’s just not that simple :/
i’m terrified to tell you the truth, i can’t see me without you.
you my best friend and my lover <3 the last thing i ever want is to not be with you, and it scares me not knowing if you feel the same towards me because i want you in my future, but do you want me in yours?